A few weeks ago I took the plunge and submitted my resignation from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints by using the QuitMormon.com website. I had been thinking about doing it for a long time, but this summer I realized that I was actively trying to hide the fact that I was a Mormon from people I met. That experience convinced me to embrace reality: I don’t want to be a Mormon. My wife gave her blessing and life goes on. Coincidentally, our marriage has never been better. The best part of all is that I just found out where I will be completing post-graduate training and I am quite pleased with my assignment. God himself couldn’t have done better. The funny thing is that a buddy of mine who is a Mormon got the worst assignment possible, and another friend who is a Catholic got the BEST one. Takeaway: secular humanists are OK, Mormons are at the bottom of the barrel and God really likes the Catholics. All jokes aside, I wish both of my colleagues the best as they continue their training.
In a few weeks I will be spending Christmas Eve with my extended family. Two of my siblings have left the Mormon church, and the other three who will be there for Christmas are still active. On Christmas Eve, we have a tradition of sharing stories and music as part of the occasion. I intend to share the following story about how each of the last Christmases found me less and less spiritual but more and more authentic. Here’s what I will be sharing on the 24th:
“I’ve alwyas loved Christmas but each of the last four Christmases has changed the way I internalize it. Please indulge me as I share my feelings about Christmas.
In 2013 I spent my first Christmas alone. My wife and the kids were in another state, and I spent Christmas eve singing to rich people. Then, at midnight I got to secure a corporate warehouse. It was easy overtime but it was a silent night and a lonely night.
2014 was my first Christmas as a doubter. The previous year had challenged everything I believed about, well….everything. That year I realized that what I love most about Christmas is the giving, the time with family and time to reflect on what matters most. While I didn’t spend Christmas alone that year, I was all alone with my doubts and I didn’t know how to talk about it.
In 2015 I spent my first Christmas as an unbeliever. While we all said goodbye to our little brother as he left on his mission, I was mourning my own shattered belief system. While superglue is an excellent stocking stuffer, I had a feeling it wasn’t going to do the trick this time.
When I started my job at a mainstream Christian church, part of me hoped I would find newfound faith in Christ.
And yet, in 2016 I celebrated my first Christmas as a freethinker. What I did find at my new job was newfound faith in humankind and the goodness that can be found in churches and organizations all over the world. So after four years of soul searching, I’ve realized that it’s more useful to define my own beliefs in terms of what I DO believe instead of talking about what I don’t. And I don’t think it really matters much why you celebrate Christmas. No matter why you do it, it’s still the most wonderful time of the year because I get to spent it with all of you.”
2017 has been an amazing year with plenty of ups and downs. And I think 2018 will be even better. I anticipate many more ups than downs. So no matter what you believe in, have yourself a merry little Christmas. Or Xmas. Or Hannukah. Or Kwanzaa. Just have a good one with good people.
unfairmormon 